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Realization
Hello whoever chooses to read this. If you’ve been following this account, or if you’ve stumbled across it during your journey through this site, first of all I would like to say Good Morning, Afternoon, evening or whenever you’re reading this. I really don’t know how to start this off so I’ll just say what’s on my mind. I know I haven’t been posting here in a very long time. Not having my computer anymore sucks big time. That being said however I do in fact still draw though it’s mainly on paper now and I just take a picture with my phone and post it to Twitter. I’ve mostly been doing art trades with an occasional commission here and there. It’s not much but it gives me an incentive to keep drawing. A while back I used to get really upset because people weren’t commissioning me and it really made me second guess myself and my art. But now, I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me and while I do joke occasionally by saying my art sucks I know that while I’m not the best by any stretch and I could always improve, I have more confidence in my artwork now. On another note, and one of the real reasons I’m typing this out right now, is that since the last time I posted a journal here or anywhere honestly things have changed a lot in my life both online and irl. And because of this a lot of things have been put into perspective and I’ve come to a lot of realizations. I have my issues just like everyone else, Depression, Stress, Anxiety, etc. I deal with stuff everyday on a daily basis. However the way I went about trying to deal with these issues have caused me to lose people that I care about. And I realized that I’m a very toxic person and I’m doing everything I can to do better and be better. That being said though I’ve also learned that my negative mentality is the reason I don’t have many friends left, if any at all. And while I do wish that things were different and that I still had my friends. I see that they’re doing much better since parting ways with me and I’m honestly glad for them. My former friends are gone and they’re not coming back. They’ve moved and I’m not blaming them or myself anymore for that matter. I’m not going to be depressed or beat myself up over it anymore. I wish them the best and I will simply move on. Now I will not sit here and lie and say that it hasn’t affected me. In fact, because of the circumstances I have severe trust issues. I can say that I have done a lot of reflecting. I’m always reflecting. But it took losing people I was close to online and in my personal life for it to really be hammered home. I have my flaws, just like everyone else. I’m not perfect. I never once claimed to be. And I’m more than man enough to admit and acknowledge my mistakes and flaws. And I’m working everyday to be a better person. While I’m not as depressed as I used to be I’m doing much better emotionally. I won’t get into the details and I know that there will be bad days in the future because I know just as well as everyone else that depression just doesn’t go away because you or anyone else wants it too. Still though I will continue to fight. I feel like I’ve rambled on for too long so I’ll wrap this up by saying I’m still drawing and if anyone wants to contact me for a commission, art trade, or just wanna talk, ask for my discord as I’m most active there. All I ask is that you have a bit of patience with me that’s all. Thank you for reading this and please enjoy your day no matter what.
Update Thingy
Wow it's been a long time since I posted one of these. Anyway, to anyone who reads this, one, thank you so very much. And two, I'm not dead, things have just been, slightly difficult. I won't bore you with the details but to sum it up a few things have happened. For starter, last year I lost quite a few family members, and even more friends. Next, my laptop is completely dead. I guess this one is my fault for letting my brother use it. But anyway, because I don't have a laptop anymore I haven't been able to do art like I want to. Which leads into my next point, I'm trying to save up for a new one (or at least a decent enough once so that I return to doing digital  art) so I'm offering really cheap traditional commissions. If you're interested please contact me via PM or discord. Oh that's right, for those who are unaware I'm more active on discord than anywhere right now. Just ask if you wanna add me. Okay, what next...oh yeah I've been playing a lot Genshin Impact in the last year, alongside DragonBall Xenoverse 2 if you have PS4 and wanna play I play those and a few others like CoD, Overwatch, Castle Crashers, Scott Pilgrim, Streets of Rage 4, and a few fighting games too. This next one is sorta a more personal one. So for those who do or don't know, I've had issues with my mental health. Because of that I usually tend to vanish without a trace, not telling anyone anything. Well my mental health has gotten a bit better. It's been rough trying to get a grip on myself (don't laugh...okay you can laugh) without any kind of therapy or medication. Mainly because the US's healthcare  system is a complete joke. I've been trying to tackle these issues of mine on my own and don't get me wrong I will have my bad days, who doesn't, but I am doing significantly better than I was. I've come to terms with certain things and I don't get as upset as I used to. I still do, just not as much. Things have been up and down for me lately but I'm trying to keep pushing forward. Anyways how have you been, I'd like to hear about what you've been up. Or if you have any questions don't be afraid to ask. Thank you again for reading this and I hope you have a good day.
How I've been feeling lately
I was contemplating not doing this. I honestly was. But since nobody even bothers reading these things I figured I just need to get this out. Despite how it might seem to some people I'm not doing too well. I haven't been doing well for quite a while a now....a long while actually. A lot has happened and despite trying desperately to not let it get to me, it has. And now, I find myself realizing something. All of the misfortune that has been falling on me, I must have done something to deserve it. I try really hard to be good person because that's just how I am. Am I perfect? No. I'm not and I never will be. Despite that I try to do the right thing even if it's extremely difficult. I try to be there for people, I try to help, I try to show people that they aren't alone. But deep down, I'm a horrible person. I try to help others while also shouldering my own issues myself and going it alone. I do this all while trying to be positive for others. Being positive for others...that's
Real Talk
So my friend !nebustel (https://www.deviantart.com/nebustel) Recently posted this really insightful journal that I seriously think who takes the time to click on this journal should read.
Seriously this kind of stuff really needs to be put out there. So please give it a read if you have a few minutes to spare.
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Aww...do you care to talk about it? :C