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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Psypher GravesMale/United States Group :iconcyber-demons: Cyber-Demons
 
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*sigh* Today is another one of those day where I wake up feeling super depressed and not even knowing why.
I guess I'm even more of a hypocrite than I than I thought...but I needed to let this out.

And so we're clear this is not directed at anyone nor is this a cry for attention.

Anyways, I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be around. Nobody here but maybe 2 people ever bother even talking to me anymore. And even then, my depression is so bad that I'm pretty I've gotten on their nerves by now. I can't help it if I'm not happy all the damn time. I'm not some optimistic anime protagonist who believes that the power of friendship will get me through. No. That's not it because despite being friends, they have their own lives to live and won't always be there for you. That's how it is. That's the truth. The truth that I didn't want to accept and continued to deny. I wanted to think that if I had someone special in my life, that I would be happy. But thinking like that led me to make a lot of stupid decisions that I regret now and now I'm at the point where I've lost all hope in that stupid belief. I've completely locked what people would consider a heart away and I will never "love" anyone. The only thing I can do is try to be there for my friends. Problem is however, who are my friends? Sometimes I feel as though the people I try to talk to, never really seem interested and are annoyed by me, and that they only bother replying because...well I don't even know. And then there are still those who just flat out ignore me...but then again, more and more people seem to be doing that now. So can you really blame me for not being in high spirits. Then again, whether or not you do doesn't even matter. I try to be nice, I try to be friendly, but in some way, shape, or form I always end up screwing everything up because of my depression. Its no wonder everyone leaves. But depression isn't something that can just go away with a few nice words but that's what everyone thinks. Despite that...I try not to let my depression get too bad for the sake of those I call friends by wearing the metaphorical smiling mask. But even then I feel as though most people are only nice to me so that they can just get stuff like art from me. People have gotten upset with me over not getting any art. Its one of the reasons I want to give up and quit. I do art for people, I don't mind doing art for people, but the people who do art for me, I can literally count on my fingers. The reason I don't bother with this is because me receiving a gift/fanart is so rare that I've come to not even care anymore. (And I don't count requests as gift/fanart. The definitions are too different) And I know what I'm saying is selfish. I have no intention on arguing with anyone over that. It's a waste of time. Lately I haven't had the motivation to draw. I've been like this all summer. Drawing has become more of chore now and it seems no one really cares about my art unless its for them. And now that I'm incapable of doing art, I feel worthless to everyone. This combined with the feeling that my mother thinks I'm a worthless failure only makes me feel worse. In fact, It was so bad that I wanted to take....never mind. Its just an afterthought now. Anyway I'm sorry to those people I've annoyed, hurt, etc. I don't know what I should do anymore. I don't know what I should be feeling. I don't know what I want anymore.
Gift: Katt by PrototypeTheory
Gift: Katt
Something I did randomly a few nights ago. It was late, I was bored and I remembered that :iconkudan7: kept asking me to draw something for him to color. Surprisingly this didn't really take long at all due to how simple his character Katt's  design is.
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If anyone out there is looking for adoptables at low LOW prices then please be sure to check out my friend :iconmewjikai:'s gallery. She has quite a few adopts that she's trying to get rid of. And while you're at it give her a watch too. Her art is amazing

deviantID

PrototypeTheory
Psypher Graves
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United States
Hello there. I'm not someone new to DA. I've decided to start again for reasons I will not go into. So don't waste your breath asking. For those who do know who I am, I don't really need to say anything. But for anyone new who is reading this, let me just say this and make it as clear as possible. I am a very nice person. I like to draw, chat, make friends, rp, the whole 9 yards I suppose. However, because of those reasons I mentioned earlier, I have a difficult time trusting people. If you wanna be my friend....EARN IT! And if we do become friends, do not cross me. I will not hesitate to kill a friendship and cut someone out of my life. I'm a nice guy, probably one of the nicest, but I can also be a real asshole when pushed. So to sum things up, don't fuck with me and we'll get along just fine.

Thank you for reading this message. If you have any questions, do not hesitate to ask. I read all comments regardless of weither or not I reply to it. Again, thank you and welcome to my DA.

I guess I'm even more of a hypocrite than I than I thought...but I needed to let this out.

And so we're clear this is not directed at anyone nor is this a cry for attention.

Anyways, I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't be around. Nobody here but maybe 2 people ever bother even talking to me anymore. And even then, my depression is so bad that I'm pretty I've gotten on their nerves by now. I can't help it if I'm not happy all the damn time. I'm not some optimistic anime protagonist who believes that the power of friendship will get me through. No. That's not it because despite being friends, they have their own lives to live and won't always be there for you. That's how it is. That's the truth. The truth that I didn't want to accept and continued to deny. I wanted to think that if I had someone special in my life, that I would be happy. But thinking like that led me to make a lot of stupid decisions that I regret now and now I'm at the point where I've lost all hope in that stupid belief. I've completely locked what people would consider a heart away and I will never "love" anyone. The only thing I can do is try to be there for my friends. Problem is however, who are my friends? Sometimes I feel as though the people I try to talk to, never really seem interested and are annoyed by me, and that they only bother replying because...well I don't even know. And then there are still those who just flat out ignore me...but then again, more and more people seem to be doing that now. So can you really blame me for not being in high spirits. Then again, whether or not you do doesn't even matter. I try to be nice, I try to be friendly, but in some way, shape, or form I always end up screwing everything up because of my depression. Its no wonder everyone leaves. But depression isn't something that can just go away with a few nice words but that's what everyone thinks. Despite that...I try not to let my depression get too bad for the sake of those I call friends by wearing the metaphorical smiling mask. But even then I feel as though most people are only nice to me so that they can just get stuff like art from me. People have gotten upset with me over not getting any art. Its one of the reasons I want to give up and quit. I do art for people, I don't mind doing art for people, but the people who do art for me, I can literally count on my fingers. The reason I don't bother with this is because me receiving a gift/fanart is so rare that I've come to not even care anymore. (And I don't count requests as gift/fanart. The definitions are too different) And I know what I'm saying is selfish. I have no intention on arguing with anyone over that. It's a waste of time. Lately I haven't had the motivation to draw. I've been like this all summer. Drawing has become more of chore now and it seems no one really cares about my art unless its for them. And now that I'm incapable of doing art, I feel worthless to everyone. This combined with the feeling that my mother thinks I'm a worthless failure only makes me feel worse. In fact, It was so bad that I wanted to take....never mind. Its just an afterthought now. Anyway I'm sorry to those people I've annoyed, hurt, etc. I don't know what I should do anymore. I don't know what I should be feeling. I don't know what I want anymore.

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:iconsporty-commissions:
Sporty-Commissions Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2015  Student Digital Artist
sporty-commissions.deviantart.…
Your commission is done. c:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconvamanu2:
Vamanu2 Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2015
Haven't seen you in a few days now. Just thought I'd check and see if you're around.
Reply
:iconsuuperyo:
suuperyo Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2015
Thank for the watch :"D
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconturquoiseoutcast:
TurquoiseOutcast Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2015  New Deviant Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you for the watch! :iconplzhug:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcottoncattailtoony:
CottonCatTailToony Featured By Owner Jun 29, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Thank you for watching me! Huggle! Added to my devWatch! 
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(1 Reply)
:iconkb-concepts:
KB-concepts Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2015
Hi :D
Reply
:iconcottoncattailtoony:
CottonCatTailToony Featured By Owner May 31, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Hi there! Do you do Request or Art Trade?
Can you draw me very beauty and sexy when you very blushing at me, please?

Here my picture of me:

cottoncattailtoony.deviantart.…
Reply
:iconvamanu2:
Vamanu2 Featured By Owner May 30, 2015
Man, look at this nerd.
Reply
:iconazurbluestar:
AzurBlueStar Featured By Owner May 25, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
☆☆Thank you very much for the watch !☆☆
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconkb-concepts:
KB-concepts Featured By Owner May 11, 2015
HI :)
Reply
(1 Reply)
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